Self Diagnosis (Path Towards Freedom)
Hello Dears,
i'm going to state here the phenomenon and the experience of my "psychical illnes", as diagnosed as paranoid compulsive schizoaffective disorder. This term alone makes me want to burst out into laughter and doupt the health of the so called mental health clinical professionals.
So in all these years of taking medecine and talking to these doctors i asked myself what is wrong with me and what could i do about it. First of all i made an important step, i accepted the diagnosis, altough i always knew it was just one half of the truth. Let's begin by looking at some of the symptoms which i did reveal. First of all: compulsiveness. I was stuck in repeating thought patterns and hardly could shift attention. Generally speaking i had also a short attention span for most of all day duties. Seeking stimulation or "thrill" i lost myself in the dark corners of the internet where conspiracy theories of all kind reside. These were adding to this already bad alignment with fear based believes and apocalyptic scenarios driving me into a very isolated mental position which i couldn't identify as such and the reality that it was only such a scheme i could not see. So as the days became longer and sleep less i developed a skill of seeing interdimensional (3rd eye opening) which is commonly labeled as hallucination symptom. Since i was still in this parallel believe systems these "hallucinations" where dark and frightening, so no wonder i also developed a form of paranoia. OK, so that then was the moment where i could not really make the distinction between fiction and fact, because these conspiracy theorists (phil schneider, david icke, alex collier, leo zagami or alex jones to name a few) really did / do a great job at deceiving. I acted crazy because " it was judgement day" and landed in a hospital.
So what did i do wrong? For example was my daily nutrition very poor in healthy nutriens, my priority not in sleep but in stimulating my brain and adding to this was that all hopes and future plans where momentarily lost. I was isolated (socially as well as spiritually) and head only my dark inner world. It's important to understand that sleep deprivation in late adolescence disturbs the brain in developing the personality and raises the risks of developing schizophrenia later in life, i had allready allocated the potentiallity earlier in my school time. So what i now know is that my brain was not working right or as i wanted it. In detail i was lacking dopamin as well as seratonin plus in psychotic times gaba to keep me calm. And this is the point where medication applied it's lever. So now i take a dosage of 5mg olanzapin and it works fine, mainly raising seratonin production and sedating me into sleep. Formerly i tried risperidon as well as abilify in combination with lithium. It didn't work as well and i landed in the hospital again.
Meanwhile i have learned from a book written by Dr. Daniel Amen (thanks alot Dr.) that psychotropic drugs make the brain look very unnatural (in brain scans) and often times they don't have a significant better effect then placebos. So i decided to try natural supplements. Ashwaganda is affecting the attention span (because of low PFC function) and the anxiety level (because of basal ganglia over activity) and it helps. Moreover i use Ginseng to help endorphin production for happyness, better mood. Further i try to calm the lymbic system and strengthen the PFC with Omega 3 Fishoil. I tried to get off of the Olanzapin completely but i probably was used to the sedative effects so that sleeplesness reocurred which i didn't prefer so now i live with the 5mg dosage.
Lastly i want to emphasize the spiritual influence which all psychiatrist i have met so far failed completely to adress or even give a hint. I learned that believes and thoughts are just as real as my physical body and therefor are to take seriously if i want to be healthy. On the other hand it is evident that ones own thoughts are not the state of the "real world" or the reality of other persons. But i don't like how the medications supress interdimensional perception by blocking neurotransmitters and the normal function of the pineal gland. Right now i'm still dependend on this effect since my spiritual world is occasionally to frightening still. I'm working on this, i might not deny the truth of any conspiracy theories, but i will be continuing to distance from these. I found help in the spritiual teachings of Ashayana Deane, the so called "Freedom Teachings". They very well explain interdimensional phenomena. I will further take cautios steps to include L-Tryptophan, a supplement for increasing seratonin, into my diet and then reduce the olanzapin. I hope anyone with similar problems finds this useful and i give below links to the described supplements which i use:
https://amzn.to/2Yh7C5c
https://amzn.to/37gz0ED
https://amzn.to/3cJjkLe
https://amzn.to/3cO5RBL
